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The Pendulum
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Meet The 32 Members
One said "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church.
I've tried everything--noise, spray, cats--nothing seems to scare them away. ...read more

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny Midwest town got up early and went to the local church.

Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews. ...read more

The top ten reasons men should join the church choir: ...read more

There was a religious lady that had to do a lot of traveling for her business, so she did a lot of flying.

Flying made her very, very nervous, so she always took her Bible along with her t ...read more

Two old friends met one day after many years.

One attended college, and now was very successful.

The other had not attended college and never had much ambition. ...read more

One Sunday a cowboy went to church.
When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present.
The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach. ...read more

Hey! It's MY turn to sit on the front pew!

I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went over time 25 minutes.

Personally, I find witnessing much more enjoyable than go ...read more

A new Pastor in a small Oklahoma town spent the first four days making personal visits to each of the members, inviting them to come to his first services.

The following Sunday the church ...read more

A little boy opened the big family Bible.
He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly something fell out of the Bible.
He picked up the object and looked at it clos ...read more

A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old Bible that he found in a dusty, old box.
He happened to mention that Guten-somebody-or-other had p ...read more

A well-worn one dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired.
As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a ...read more

There will be a meeting of the Board immediately after the service," announced the pastor.

After the close of the service, the Church Board gathered at the back of the auditorium for the a ...read more

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands.
He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. ...read more

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off.

I immediately ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!" ...read more

At the end of the age when all the believers were standing in line waiting to get into heaven, God appeared and said, "I want all the men to form two lines. One line will be for the men who were the t ...read more

There was a barber that thought that he should share his faith with his customers more than he had been doing lately.
So the next morning when the sun came up and the barber got up out of bed h ...read more

When a woman decided to send the old family Bible to her brother in another state, the postal worker asked her if there was anything breakable in the package. ...read more

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered.
They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first said: "I built a big house for our mother. ...read more

Reasons churches don't ask clown ministries to return ...read more

Our church was saddened to learn this week of the death of one of our most valued members, Someone Else.

Someone's passing creates a vacancy that will be difficult to fill. ...read more

A Greek priest is driving down to New York to see a show, and he's stopped in Connecticut for speeding.

The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath, sees an empty wine bottle on the flo ...read more

You do know what would have happened if it had been three wise WOMEN instead of men, don't you? ...read more

A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell" assignment of bringing something to represent their religion.

The first boy got in front of the class and said, "My name is Benjami ...read more

One Sunday in a Midwest City, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour.

The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battl ...read more

One Sunday a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate.
He said that whoever ...read more

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew.
She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork. ...read more

At a Wednesday evening church meeting a very wealthy man rose to give his testimony.

"I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. ...read more

There was a little old cleaning woman that went to the local church. When the invitation was given at the end of the service, she went forward wanting to become a member.

The pastor listen ...read more

Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Joey, "there's somethin' I can't figger out." "What's that Joey?" asked Goldblatt.

"Well accordin' to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Se ...read more

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is.
...:: Michelangelo ::..

In what voice shall i sing of your mercies?

So those that listen can understand

Who it is that i sing these praises to

what clothes am i to wear my king,

as am to stand at your alter today

to speak of a grace that’s kept me

tell of this great counsellor i met

that unburdened me of my sorrows

and gave me a new purpose to live;

Teach me words to say, how to speak

for i know not how to describe you;

who you are, words can’t explain,

greater than greatness and being

author of life giver of breath

all these are no fit for who you are.

You as said are alpha and omega

what was and will become the almighty

the definition of love and glory

you are the rock that breaks death

waters that flow of healing and hope

the flames which light so bright

within the hearts of your followers

those flames that scatter darkness

burn all impunities of the soul

and make man a new being in you

dressed in your full armour; the belt of truth

the breastplate of righteousness,

shield of faith to stop flaming evil arrows,

helmet of salvation, sword of the Spirit,

which is your holy word wrote for to us all

dressed to wrestle the schemes of the devil

For a struggle not against flesh and blood,

but against the rulers, against the powers,

against the world rulers of this darkness,

against spiritual forces of evil in the heavens.

and victory shall be ours in the end

thanks be to you who gives us the victory

through our Lord Jesus Christ

                                                 AMEN


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