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The Pendulum
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A Greek priest is driving down to New York to see a show, and he's stopped in Connecticut for speeding.

The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath, sees an empty wine bottle on the flo ...read more

You do know what would have happened if it had been three wise WOMEN instead of men, don't you? ...read more

One Sunday in a Midwest City, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour.

The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battl ...read more

Two old friends met one day after many years.

One attended college, and now was very successful.

The other had not attended college and never had much ambition. ...read more

A little boy opened the big family Bible.
He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly something fell out of the Bible.
He picked up the object and looked at it clos ...read more

A well-worn one dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired.
As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a ...read more

One Sunday a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate.
He said that whoever ...read more

The top ten reasons men should join the church choir: ...read more

Hey! It's MY turn to sit on the front pew!

I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went over time 25 minutes.

Personally, I find witnessing much more enjoyable than go ...read more

At a Wednesday evening church meeting a very wealthy man rose to give his testimony.

"I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. ...read more

There was a little old cleaning woman that went to the local church. When the invitation was given at the end of the service, she went forward wanting to become a member.

The pastor listen ...read more

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands.
He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. ...read more

There will be a meeting of the Board immediately after the service," announced the pastor.

After the close of the service, the Church Board gathered at the back of the auditorium for the a ...read more

A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell" assignment of bringing something to represent their religion.

The first boy got in front of the class and said, "My name is Benjami ...read more

Reasons churches don't ask clown ministries to return ...read more

There was a barber that thought that he should share his faith with his customers more than he had been doing lately.
So the next morning when the sun came up and the barber got up out of bed h ...read more

A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old Bible that he found in a dusty, old box.
He happened to mention that Guten-somebody-or-other had p ...read more

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew.
She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork. ...read more

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny Midwest town got up early and went to the local church.

Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews. ...read more

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered.
They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first said: "I built a big house for our mother. ...read more

When a woman decided to send the old family Bible to her brother in another state, the postal worker asked her if there was anything breakable in the package. ...read more

At the end of the age when all the believers were standing in line waiting to get into heaven, God appeared and said, "I want all the men to form two lines. One line will be for the men who were the t ...read more

There was a religious lady that had to do a lot of traveling for her business, so she did a lot of flying.

Flying made her very, very nervous, so she always took her Bible along with her t ...read more

Our church was saddened to learn this week of the death of one of our most valued members, Someone Else.

Someone's passing creates a vacancy that will be difficult to fill. ...read more

One Sunday a cowboy went to church.
When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present.
The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach. ...read more

One said "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church.
I've tried everything--noise, spray, cats--nothing seems to scare them away. ...read more

Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Joey, "there's somethin' I can't figger out." "What's that Joey?" asked Goldblatt.

"Well accordin' to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Se ...read more

A new Pastor in a small Oklahoma town spent the first four days making personal visits to each of the members, inviting them to come to his first services.

The following Sunday the church ...read more

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off.

I immediately ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!" ...read more

Cherish your visions and your dreams, as they are the children of your soul, the blueprints of your ultimate achievements.
...:: Michelangelo ::..

Source: joseyphina.wordpress.com

It is commonly said that good girls like bad boys for a number of reasons. That might be true because I used to like them.  And they were fun to be with…as long as it lasted. But after a number of senseless heartbreaks later and the sudden realization that my clock was ticking with no intention of slowing down, I decided to get serious. And by serious, I meant from graduating from the unserious guys with boyish brains to serious ones who actually had an idea what they wanted their lives to look like in the next five years at least. And oh boy, what a filter that was!

So I got invited to a church youth concert by a friend and since I was fed up with what the world had to offer (I think the world has run out of ideas, really) I wanted to taste life on the other side. I used to be active in church when I was young but I grew out of it as I grew up. Life happened.

The concert was great and it made me miss the good old churchy days. And the best part was my attention being stolen by one of the lead singers of the church’s choir (yeah, carnal me, I know). And an innocent inquiry about him from my friend informed me he was single and pleasant. Yippee! I suddenly felt like dancing…hard. Who said all the fine guys could be found in clubs? It was a lie from the pit of hell!

With the added incentive, I began to frequent the various church meetings and with subtle, deliberate actions grew close to Fine Church Boy. When he started to notice me with the waves and dashing smiles he sent my way, I knew the foundation had been well laid. But there was a problem. He was selective with the kind of girl he associated with. She had to be…a walking Bible. That was a challenge I was ready to take. Being a church girl wasn’t such a big deal…I could definitely dress, act and talk the part.

But alas, I wasn’t the only girl ‘spying’ Fine Church Boy in the congregation. And this girl was damn serious. I thought church girls wouldn’t fight over a guy…I was so wrong. I think church girls fought harder. Even found a verse to that effect…something about the violent taking it by force. She knew I liked him and she made sure I knew she wanted him too. This was going to be a violent ‘godly’ fight.

So there was an outreach coming up where volunteers were needed to spend time with some kids at the orphanage. And of course, Fine Church Boy being a part of the outreach committee was going. I was contemplating going because of some plans I had but that changed when I saw Ms. Church Rival raising her hand to be a volunteer. I knew it would be a terrible mistake not to go so before I could think things through, my hand shot up in the air and my name was put down. She gave me the typical ‘game on’ face which I responded in like manner.

Little did I know that the outreach was a testing ground for elimination and Ms. CR and I were the subjects. And since I was new to the whole church life, I didn’t really prep myself for the outreach thing and what was expected of me. One of the leaders spoke to the kids about God’s unconditional love for mankind and I began to reminisce about my Sunday school days. One of the little girls asked a question and imagine the shock when the leader directed it to me to answer. Both Fine Church Boy and Ms. Church Rival were there, their eyes fixed on me, waiting for an answer. It was one of those questions which required a supporting Bible verse and there I was, a Bad Girl Gone Good like me who couldn’t think of one verse to say. Stammering be what?! My throat dried up at once and my body felt like it was on fire.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, Ms. CR had to come to my rescue with one of those perfectly thought out sentences. The leader nodded in approval and clapped which everyone joined in.  She gave me a triumphant look but what put me down was the disappointed look on Fine Church Boy’s face. I knew I had failed the test.

When the session ended, I rushed to him just to redeem myself. But he didn’t waste time mincing words.
“I’m sorry but in my journey with God, I need someone who equally walks with Him to be with. It’s obvious church isn’t your thing. I noticed you’ve been coming regularly but you still have a long way to go. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t attracted to you but considering where I’m headed right now, attraction is the least factor I’m interested in.”

So here I was, heartbroken by a church boy even before anything could begin between us. And Ms. Church Rival carried the day, hanging around with him like a trophy girl. I’d be lying if I was harboring murderous thoughts against her.

But I got myself together. I couldn’t go back to my old life; there was nothing left for me there. So I decided to fall in love with the God of the church. After all, He’s called Lover of our soul, right? And I definitely needed some divine loving; I was too broken and I couldn’t mend myself.

With the help of my friend and a few others belonging to the fellowship, I developed a relationship with God and I must say, it has been the best decision I ever made. I felt confident about myself and complete also. For the first time, I felt whole without having to refer myself to being someone’s girlfriend to feel complete. That was a great feeling.

After some months, a rumor broke out about my Fine Church Boy putting Ms. Church Rival in the family way. Church members began to shun him and he looked depressed. I reached out to him and offered my friendship. He was surprised I of all people would be the one to be there for him. So was I, this was a whole new me and I was surprising myself each and every day.

Then the truth came out that the pregnancy wasn’t his after all; it belonged to the guitar guy. Huh, guys will always be guys, right…no matter where you met them. But Church Boy still punished himself for getting involved with her in the first place and he began to feel unworthy to be part of God’s family. I did my best to assure him that all was not lost. I was a perfect example of all hope lost but even I got a second chance with God. As they say, time heals all wounds and so did his.

Months passed and we got engaged. A year later, we got married! I liked a church boy but it was only until I fell in love with his God first before I could fall in love with him. Indeed, all things work for the good for those who love Him…!


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